Pink Hearts and Unicorns
by WickedGame
Summary: Seventh fic in my Drunken Debauchery Series. Wufei should always remember that tequila is not nicknamed 'tokillyou' just for kicks.


Title: Pink Hearts And Unicorns ch1/1

Author: WickedGame

Archive: ffnet, mediaminerorg, anyone else just needs to ask

Category: Humor

Rating: PG-13 or T

Warnings: foul language

Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing.

Notes: This is the seventh fic in my Drunken Debauchery Series. Beta-ed by FantasyOrReality. (side note: this fic was supposed to be about the girls getting drunk, but my muse demanded that the guys get back at Wufei for the call girl debacle).

Wufei groaned and blinked slowly. The morning light was harsh on his eyes and he squeezed them shut, burying his face in his feather down pillow. Why he had let the guys talk him into doing tequila shots the previous night he did not know. Tequila was not nicknamed 'to-kill-you' for nothing. Wufei felt a little sick, but mostly he just had a huge headache and a bad case of cotton mouth. And why did he feel like his skin was on fire right above his ass?

He decided to brave the day and maybe make it over to the curtains to shut them all the way. Then he would go back to bed and sleep off his aches and pains. He had some pain killers in his bathroom, maybe he would take a couple of those. And then he would look and see what the hell was wrong with his skin. An allergic reaction? An infection?

Wufei noticed he was nude, and figured that he must have stripped off his clothing in his drunken stupor before he went to bed. He swung his legs over the side of the large bed and padded over thick carpet to his bathroom door. He turned the light on and winced.

"Damn it! Fucking bright ass light," he grumbled as he went to his medicine cabinet. He opened it and shook out two tiny white pills and filled a paper cup with water. He tossed the pills and the water back before deciding to relieve himself. On the back of the bathroom door there was a full-length mirror, and he stopped after washing his hands to try to figure out what was wrong with his skin. What he saw not only made the rest of his skin flush with anger, but it also made him scream out at the top of his lungs.

"Fucking assholes! Fucking hell!" Wufei yelled as he ran out of his bathroom and then struggled to pull on jeans and a t-shirt. He was going to murder them; every single damned one of them. Friends or not, they were dead.

Wufei's tires screeched as he pulled out of his driveway, driving at breakneck speed towards Heero and Duo's house. He ran two red lights, nearly ran over a bicycle courier, and scared a bunch of school children on the way.

Once there, he ran up the steps and banged on the door.

"Heero Yuy! Duo Maxwell! Fucking open up this god damned door or I swear I will break it down!"

The two pilots huddled together in a closet as they hid from Wufei. Normally they would not hide, but they figured he would move onto terrorizing Quatre and Trowa before long.

"How long do you think it will take?" Duo whispered as the banging and threats continued.

"Not much longer. You parked the car down the street, right?" Heero inquired. Duo nodded to confirm.

Soon the noise went away and they heard Wufei leave. They felt safe enough to leave their hiding place and had another rousing laugh at their comrade's expense.

"Really though," Heero said as he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, "Did you really have to go and have little pink hearts and a unicorn tattooed on his lower back? You do know that in some places they call that a 'tramp stamp', right?"

"I know! That's what makes it so funny! Man, oh man! Did you hear him? Thank goodness that my ol' Sweeper pal was available and had no scruples about tattooing someone who was passed out, eh?" Duo looked like the cat that ate the canary.

"You're the one who agreed to pay for its removal, just remember that," Heero warned.

"Oh yeah, I know. But, it was worth it just to hear him yell like that. I only wish I could've been a fly on the wall for when he discovered it in the first place!"

"Don't worry," Heero smirked, "I wired the bathroom and bedroom with hidden cameras last night. I'll go retrieve the video the next time he is out."

"Why wait?" Duo sprinted for the door, and Heero followed him while shaking his head. Sometimes he was glad he was Duo's husband. At least he knew he would never wake up with a unicorn on his back.

-The End-


End file.
